This is a parody / novelty website.  No actual services are offered or provided other than a slightly dark humor site for some people to stop by and enjoy.

If you happened across this site and were offended you are expected to leave.

Legal Notice:

Packaged by weight, not volume. Some settling may occur during shipping and handling. Made in the USA. This product is meant for educational purposes only. This product / website is for entertainment purposes only, all rights reserved. Ask your doctor or pharmacist. Do not open back panel; no user serviceable parts inside. You may or may not have additional rights which may vary from state to state. Not recommended for children under twelve. Parental guidance discouraged. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, espcially dead, is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Does not
come with any other figures.

Contents may settle during shipment. Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. This is not an offer to sell securities. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. Do not stamp. For recreational use only. Do not disturb. Freshest if eaten before date on carton. All models over 18 years of age. Subject to change without notice. Times approximate. Simulated picture. No postage necessary if mailed in the United States. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. For off-road use only. As seen on TV. One size fits all. Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients. Colors may, in time, fade. Not affiliated with the American Red Cross. Professional drivers on a closed course. Drop in any mailbox. NOT Edited for television. Keep cool; process promptly. Post office will not deliver without postage. List was current at time of printing. Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward.
Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental, or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error, or failure to perform. At participating locations only. Penalty for private use. See label for sequence. Substantial penalty for early withdrawl. Do not write below this line. Avoid contact with skin. Sanitized for your protection. Be sure each item is properly endorsed. Sign here without admitting guilt. Slightly higher west of the Mississippi. Employees and their families are not eligible. Beware of dog. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show. Limited time offer, call now to insure prompt
delivery. No purchase necessary.

Use only in well-ventilated area. Keep away from fire or flame. Replace with same type. Approved for veterans. Booths for two or more. Check here if tax deductible. Some equipment shown is optional. Price does not include taxes. No Canadian coins. Close cover before striking. Not recommended for children. Prerecorded for this time zone. Reproduction strictly prohibited. No solicitors. No alcohol, dogs, or horses. Restaurant package, not for resale. List at least two alternate dates. See back of package for representative slice. First pull up, then pull down. Call toll-free number before digging.

Driver does not carry cash. Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only. Record additional transactions on back of previous stub. Some side effects may occur. This supercedes all previous notices. Actual results may differ materially from the results predicted, and reported results should not be considered as an indication of future performance. E Pluribus Unum. All rights reserved. Not valid with other offers. No shirt, no shoes, no service. Violators will be towed. An Equal Opportunity Employer. Convicted felons need not apply. No dealer bids accepted. No refunds
without receipt. Rub hands vigorously. Ring for service. Seasonal rates apply. This side up. Use no hooks. Not for prevention of diseases. Not affiliated with IRS. In case of fire break glass. No shirt, No shoes, No Service. If your erection lasts more than four days, call your doctor.